You already know Della’s name—even her secret middle name. But what other names did we consider while she was, as pictured, in utero? Some doozies! Keep in mind, we didn’t know if she would be of the fair or unfair sex.

Alfred Utah: Alfie for short.

George Junius

Althea Oregon*: Althea of Grateful Dead fame. (*Steve never gave “Oregon” respectful consideration.)

George Michael: Again, Steve wouldn’t entertain this idea. Not, surprisingly, because of the gay ’80s pop star, but because of the late local sports news anchor of the same name.

Did you know we almost named Della “Della Azalea”? It’s sort of a shame we didn’t, because now that spring is here, we realize we have some pretty serious azaleas on our property. As you know, Della ended up with her mom’s last name as a middle name, just like they do it in Latin America (and sometimes on Anne Tucker Lane). So what went wrong? (Or right, according to some.)

1. Everyone* said “Della Azalea” was a mouthful.

2. Although American rap artist Aezalia (sic) Banks originally inspired our interest in this name, I became uneasy with the idea of friends and family eventually hearing this song. ***CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK. EXTREMELY EXPLICIT LYRICS. NANNY JUNE, DO NOT CLICK.***

3. After four hours of pushing, Johanna Jr. would not have seemed far-fetched.

*One woman in the waiting room at one of my prenatal appointments liked “Della Azalea.” Her twins are named Sincere and Nacere. 

Della attended her first dinner party last night, or at least the first where she was allowed to sit at the table and accept flirtations. Dinner guest Randall Edwards commented on Della’s beautiful lips and round head.